Blinking against the sudden brilliance of sunlight, Ryouga took a deep breath and
inwardly rejoiced as his lungs filled with fresh air. It was a welcome change
from the stagnant, oppressively filtered hospital environment which he had
become acquainted with over the last few days, and he took a few moments
to savor the feeling of being outdoors again.
It was a perfect spring day, filled with the sights and sounds of life.
Birds sang joyously, trees swayed slightly in the gentle breeze... as if
all was right with the world. Even his troubles seemed to fall away for
that glorious time; he was on his feet again, and it was a good feeling.
A slight misstep reminded him that the sensations were not all pleasant;
his body ached from the beating he had taken in the fight with Kunou. Akane
was immediately at his side, lending him support, but he straightened quickly
and smiled. She returned the smile, and his heart soared at the sight.
For her part, Akane was happy to see Ryouga on his feet again. It had
hurt her to see him battered so badly while fighting for her sake, and
his dedication to her touched her. Still, it bothered her that he was hiding
the pain that he felt, both physically and emotionally. She wondered why
he wouldn't talk to her. He had helped her to deal with her pain, and was
still helping her simply by his kindness. She wanted to do the same for
him.
At least he would have a place to stay now; with his sense of direction
she might never see him again once he left. She needed him right now, and
she was convinced that he needed her, too. But why was he so quiet about
it? Did he not want to burden her? That must be it, she decided.
She knew that he blamed himself for Ranma's death, but she did not see
how he could possibly be responsible. He was too noble, and kind... if
he could have saved Ranma, he would have. She was certain of it.
If only she could convince him...
Midnight. The end of a day, and the beginning of the next. Ryouga was
all too conscious of this fact; it was one more day gone by, when he could
afford to lose none. The days were running by all too quickly; ten had
now passed since Nabiki had issued her deadline.
Once again, he was awake for this passing; this night found him sitting
on the porch of the Tendou home. Looking out into the empty blackness of
this moonless night, he sighed softly to himself. There was no escaping
his fate; it was coming only too soon.
The sound of a sliding door opening startled him from his reflections,
and he looked back to see Akane standing behind him. "Can't sleep?" she
asked, concerned.
He nodded. "Too much on my mind."
"Want to talk about it?" she offered.
"I..." he hesitated. "I can't."
Something he did not quite recognize flickered in Akane's eyes... was
it sadness? She wanted to help him so badly, he knew, and the fact that
he simply could not tell her only made him feel worse. "I'm sorry," he
whispered, turning away. "I'm not ready to talk about it yet."
He heard her sigh, then answer, "I understand. If you change your
mind... you know where I am." Light footsteps marked her retreat into
the house, and the door closed behind her. Once she was gone, he let out
a long sigh and silently cursed himself for his weakness.
She thought so highly of him, he realized, and wondered why he had never
seen that before. In her eyes, he was kind, and strong... and honorable.
She saw him as all that he wished to be, all that he dreamed of being,
and wasn't. And he had to shatter those illusions--to hurt her again--after
he had sworn to protect her. There was no way out... honor, and Nabiki,
demanded it.
He would have to break her heart again, and in doing so shatter his own.
This led him to another question . . . why would Nabiki want it that way?
Supposedly she was out to help Akane, but would this blow not do her more
harm than good? Didn't Akane need support now, rather than another broken
heart? Why now, of all times? He resolved to find out.
Ryouga had never had as much trouble lifting his hand as when he went to knock
on the door before him. To his mind, it loomed largely over him, like the entrance
to some great and terrible fortress, or a portal to some unknown danger. The
wood seemed to resound with each tap, gaining weight far beyond its physical
mass, and when Nabiki's voice answered it was to him a pronouncement of doom.
"Come in, Ryouga," she spoke crisply, and he sighed lightly
before opening the door. Shuffling quickly inside, he closed it behind
him, then turned to face the arbiter of his fate. Unable to meet her gaze,
he looked sheepishly at the floor.
"Well?" Nabiki asked with a slight, almost taunting edges on
her voice. "You haven't come to ask for more time, I hope."
Ryouga shook his head, "No. I came to ask you something else..." he
began, then paused. Shifting his feet nervously, he mentally cursed himself
for being so frightened of her.
Nabiki smiled slightly, a predatory gleam in her eye. He was nervous
about something, she could tell... nervousness was useful to her. "Well
then, out with it! My time is valuable, you know."
He took a deep breath, slowly building his determination, and looked
up to meet her gaze. Steeling himself, he opened his mouth and forced out
the question...
"Why?"
The change which passed over Nabiki was immediate; her eyes narrowed
and darkened, her gaze hardening to painful intensity. Her smile faded,
replaced first by a sharp glare, then abruptly again by calculated neutrality
as she regained her composure. "I have my reasons, Ryouga," she
answered icily, as though the question angered her. "After this is
over, if you still want to know, I might tell you then."
Ryouga shivered slightly and nodded. "Thanks anyway," he whispered
almost unwillingly, then turned quickly to depart. Nabiki stared after
him for a long moment, holding up the image, then let out a long sigh.
Damn you, Ryouga, she thought as she slumped onto her bed, Why
did you have to ask me that? That question had been haunting her since
this mess had begun, and the answer was too close to herself for her liking.
Her confidence wavered... was she doing the right thing? It was too late
to turn back now.
If he had doubted her before, Ryouga was certain now that she would carry
through on her threat. Though nearly always somewhat cold to him of late,
Nabiki had been unusually harsh this time... it was almost as though his
question had wounded her, and he found himself wondering why. What about
his plight could she take so personally that it would affect her like that?
He shook his head, not understanding.
At any rate, he was running out of time. Only three days remained, but
even more pressing than the deadline was the pressure on his soul. He found
that he WANTED to tell Akane, or that at least a part of him did. He wanted
to be rid of the damned secret, and to let her see him as he was. Nabiki
knew a lot about secrets, he realized... perhaps that was why she had gotten
involved. He wasn't sure.
And yet, how could he wound Akane so? Then again, if he told her himself,
would not the hurt be less than if she learned from Nabiki? Almost certainly.
With that realization, a resolution formed in his heart. He would tell
her, and get it over with... and he would do it immediately.
It actually took him a while to find her... though he had learned well the
borders of the Tendous' land, and did not cross them, he could still wander
for surprising lengths of time within that seemingly small lot. He cursed
for the thousandth time his abysmal sense of direction, and yet he found
himself wondering if it was his subconscious, trying to deter him from his
ill-fated path.
It was as he reached this thought that he saw her; she was just leaving
the dojo and walking toward the house. Moving quickly, he intercepted her
before she could get there . . . better to hold this discussion away from
prying ears, he thought. She looked at him oddly, as if she could see the
nervousness written on his face.
She probably can, he thought, closing his eyes for a moment and
building his resolve. Speaking quietly and hesitantly, he forced out the
words, "Akane... about last night. I'm... ready to tell you now." Well,
I'm committed to it now...
The odd look on her face was replaced with one of concern, and she took
him aside to sit beneath a nearby tree. "It's all right, Ryouga...
I'm listening."
He shook his head miserably. "It's not all right," he spoke,
his voice haunted. "I... you need to know. I could have saved Ranma...."
Akane scowled, "Ryouga, we talked about this--"
"No!" he cut her off, suddenly vehement. "I... didn't
tell you the whole story. You see... I had a choice, to save Ranma first,
or the relic... I thought I could save them both... and went for the relic
first."
"But..." Akane whispered, stunned. "Why? You didn't need
it...." Her voice trailed off as frightening thoughts coalesced in
her mind. "No...."
"I... did need it, Akane. I also was cursed."
"Then you... no." She shook her head in violent denial. "You
couldn't be...."
His gaze fell, an expression of utter self-loathing twisting his features. "I
was P-chan."
"But..." she protested, shocked. "Why didn't Ranma just
tell me?"
"He promised me he wouldn't... and I took advantage of that promise."
Rage slowly replaced the disbelief in her eyes, changing them. Her face
contorted into a vicious scowl, and her next words were those Ryouga had
been dreading for what seemed an eternity. Drawing back her hand to strike
him, she screamed, "RYOUGA NO BAKA!" The blow came toward him,
closer, closer... an eternal instant as he waited for the well-deserved
pain...
...but it never came. Her fist stopped less than an inch from his nose,
and the anger on her face gave way to an even more devastating look--that
of disappointment, and pain. Ryouga's fragile heart shattered at the sight,
and he stared at the ground between them, unable to meet her gaze.
For a moment there was silence, then the sound of Akane weeping. She
slowly stood, turning from him toward the house, and as she began to walk
away she whispered, "Go."
"Akane..." he whispered.
She whirled on him in fury, screaming, "JUST LEAVE! I DON'T EVER
WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!"
Ryouga recoiled, then nodded, accepting his doom silently. As he rose
to depart, a part of him questioned where he could go. The rest of him
did not care.